A Broken Man / The Bitter End

it's been over a week since i passed my resignation from the pyc. through that course of time, i tried to prevent any ties at olap nor committing myself into some gimmik again. i also refrained from selling those dumb tix, which i intend to return along with some that i actually sold. i committed my days at work and at home, and got a bo sanchez book waiting for me to finish it with the spare time. but i'll get to that eventually.

now there is something i would like to share and there's somebody i know who's willing dying to hear this sh!t of mine. and for those who are concerned, here's something that would maybe surprise you.

i've been serving the church for quite sometime and i'm also serving the pyc for the past 2 terms (4 years) that have passed excluding this year (which i came to be the coordinator, yet got served lately). i came across with different people to work with and basically got acquainted with the system.

the time that i got really immersed in the pyc is within my last term. i worked as an pro. we got this really active group with lots of gimmicks that we eventually pulled out. but as this group formed proved to be almighty to the eyes of the youth, we have our own stink to hide. now i know what my buddy xj's been talking about. on how hard is it to be the "sponge" of the group. we all planned but without the watchful eyes of our mentors, we're just like sh!t that smelled just like that. and when we need somebody to blame, we blame it on our coordinator. we made fun of people, some got hurt, and backstabbed on those whose only intention is to help and serve. shame on us on this regard. now i know why xj acted weird on those occasions. this part really sickens me. i really hated myself for this.

now the opportunity came for me to be the coordinator of the pyc. i talked to edmon about this that i wanted our group to be called parish youth ministry. i told them that since every vicariate's been using the term pym for their parish, why not ours too? just as to shed out the confusion among the pym/pyc thing. but underneath that, i really wanted the group to be called pym is to shed that old identity that we had and to start anew. as the new coordinator, i tried to learn from our past mistakes. and with the help of really talented individuals, we really made an impact somehow.

now just like every group that has been formed, we have our own strengths and weaknesses that we tried to mend through. i guess there's no such thing as a perfect group.

now there came the era of the new priest. now without the watchful eyes of our mentors, i just felt like a young lion within the pack of really hungry wolves. expectations ran high, we tried to cope with it. then came the issues about the finances of the church and all it's changes. and because of that stupid ticket raffle, my enthusiasm to serve OLAP just vanished. i felt that i've been robbed by these stupid elders who had nothing to do but to polish their rep up. and that friggin guy who likes to showoff.... DARN IT!

so the time when they gave the letter for us to resign, i took the opportunity to make mine an indefinite one. there's no more turning back. i'm sick of serving these so-called elders.

a lot may react on this. really blasphemous of me to write this stuff. but to that particular person who'll try to strike on this matter, lf you think i've changed, well you're damn right. but it's more of realization rather than change. i've realized the stuff that i lost during the time serving the church. i've realized that i could still serve God in my own way, through my family, and friends, also with my co-workers. like ate che said to me, hindi naman ako bubuhayin ng simbahan. but i would like to add also that the church should provide spiritual nourishment. but lately, all i got was poison.

(i have to edit this part since it's not my thing to be a jackass, throwing every crap that i could throw. i'm mature enough to keep everything in place, so i'll just let it be...)

i'm sorry if it has to end like this. it's been a wild ride. Ii you want to be like this, then so be it. thanks for EVERYTHING that you've done. if you're tired of hearing my sh!t, then so do i. like you said, I HAD ENOUGH! just leave me alone...

Period, Encrypted, Saved with Back-up. Sayonara...

Comments

[RonaldToni]

hello =) --but i would like to add also that the church should provide spiritual nourishment--

I loved what you had written. Profound and Honest! I'm a blogger too! (multiply and livejournal account)

I missed you guys and I missed Olap too, (my batch mates 17!)
anyway-- if you have a multiply account, kindly add me up- (username: urmuse) tnx!

hope to see you guys soon!

[Jabberwocky]

This is one of the reasons why I don't join "spiritual" groups. It all boils down to an inevitable end. Spirituality is absolutely good, but the system within the seclusion stains and corrupts it little by little.

[Emiko]

^ Amen to that!